I seem to be having more bad days than good lately. I didn't want my blog to be a downer sad blog in which all I do is complain about my terrible doctors and poor health, but at this point I'm just discouraged and feeling like a downer, if we're being honest.
It's like everyday is just more bad news. Sometimes the bad news turns out to be my doctors over-reacting, and other times (most times) it's real bad news. And it's really discouraging. Angering. Saddening.
All of these feelings are not healthy, but all of these feelings are valid... I struggle with this daily. As a Christian, I want to have the ability to lean on God and let myself be comforted in the strength of His power, but in my flesh I struggle with negative feelings that are of this world. Stress, anxiety, feelings of helplessness, lost hope, bitterness, hatred, feelings of "Why me?" Among many other things.
It is so much easier to curl up in bed and cry about your life, and the shit storm it feels like its turning into, give into all the negative feelings. Cry out to the heavens, "WHY ME?" Hell, I do it all the damn time. I get little blessings throughout the day, or week, and maybe I just need to be better at focusing on them instead of the negatives.
I don't know.
I don't know anything anymore.
I feel like I've got it somewhat figured out, then the hits just keep on coming. I said to my husband tonight, "What a week, huh?" and then he proceeded to inform me that it was, in fact only Tuesday.
Mother of pearl, let's coma this out until Friday, yes? Who's with me?! I do NOT want to deal with the rest of this week unless all it has in store for me is visits from people who I love, boxes of chocolates, and LOTS of takeout food.
On a lighter note, I should probably wait until I have people who are actually reading my blog, but you know... I'm impatient.
After you use the lavatory, do you wipe while sitting, or wipe while standing? I do it one way, and my husband does another. As do the rest of his siblings, same as him. (At least the ones I've actually ASKED.) It's kind of a private, personal question, I guess.
But anyway, I'm intrigued to say the least, to find out just how many people do it differently. I honestly was so shocked to find out anybody did it differently than I did! It had never crossed my mind.
Leave me a comment, or whatever else you can do on this here bloggy blog.
Peace, Mego out.
I wish I knew some words to make you feel better. I don't think I do. I suppose I could try, though. For what it's worth, a lot of those tests are wrong, or premature -- Maggie Junior has another 10 weeks to go, after all, so of course shit's gonna be a bit weird right now! I suppose doctors feel that your misery is a small price to pay for staying on top of the baby's overall health - because there's so much that can be fixed, and quickly, these days. The misery is hard, though. Really hard. The tests cannot measure the non-medical challenges that kids put you through! :) Also, what the tests cannot measure: how much you will love Maggie Junior, and how committed you are to her. Focus on your love and commitment because that doesn't change, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I gave Matthew a very basic head's up, and he's worried for you all - he is really looking forward to meeting his new (second??) cousin. He asked if the doctors know if Maggie Junior will have Type 1 or Type 2 Diabetes, or both, or if it's rabies? Poor thing is confused, but concerned. We love you. Hang in there.
Ha. Just seeing this. Thank you, both. I love you both very much, Especially that beast of yours. He is so sweet and loving and kind. Thank you, I love you lots.
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