Mother Of Pearl

I seem to be having more bad days than good lately. I didn't want my blog to be a downer sad blog in which all I do is complain about my terrible doctors and poor health, but at this point I'm just discouraged and feeling like a downer, if we're being honest.

It's like everyday is just more bad news. Sometimes the bad news turns out to be my doctors over-reacting, and other times (most times) it's real bad news. And it's really discouraging. Angering. Saddening.

All of these feelings are not healthy, but all of these feelings are valid... I struggle with this daily. As a Christian, I want to have the ability to lean on God and let myself be comforted in the strength of His power, but in my flesh I struggle with negative feelings that are of this world. Stress, anxiety, feelings of helplessness, lost hope, bitterness, hatred, feelings of "Why me?" Among many other things.

It is so much easier to curl up in bed and cry about your life, and the shit storm it feels like its turning into, give into all the negative feelings. Cry out to the heavens, "WHY ME?" Hell, I do it all the damn time. I get little blessings throughout the day, or week, and maybe I just need to be better at focusing on them instead of the negatives.

 I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.

I feel like I've got it somewhat figured out, then the hits just keep on coming. I said to my husband tonight, "What a week, huh?" and then he proceeded to inform me that it was, in fact only Tuesday.

Mother of pearl, let's coma this out until Friday, yes? Who's with me?! I do NOT want to deal with the rest of this week unless all it has in store for me is visits from people who I love, boxes of chocolates, and LOTS of takeout food.

On a lighter note, I should probably wait until I have people who are actually reading my blog, but you know... I'm impatient.

After you use the lavatory, do you wipe while sitting, or wipe while standing? I do it one way, and my husband does another. As do the rest of his siblings, same as him. (At least the ones I've actually ASKED.) It's kind of a private, personal question, I guess.

But anyway, I'm intrigued to say the least, to find out just how many people do it differently. I honestly was so shocked to find out anybody did it differently than I did! It had never crossed my mind.

Leave me a comment, or whatever else you can do on this here bloggy blog.

Peace, Mego out.

Today I had a doctor appointment. Tomorrow I have a doctor appointment. April 4th I have a doctor appointment. And also on the 5th, 6th, 8th, and 11th.

I'm weary today. I'm angry today, and once again, I'm tired.

Last week I went to see my primary physician for a previously scheduled appointment, regarding my asthma. I had mentioned to him, (after he asked me) that I wasn't feeling too well. I've had a headache, a very painful sore throat, my nose is stuffy and runny, and I started having very painful pressure in my ears, and I can't hear out of my left one.

 I have 2 chronic illnesses that make me more susceptible to infections and disease, so immediately my mind went to ear infection. Great!

Anyway, after being asked by my primary if I was feeling well, I proceeded to tell him all this, and I said, "I figured I was getting a cold or something, but I knew we had this appointment, so I waited to see you to tell you about it."

So the jackass says "Well you're probably getting a cold or something..." and then he changed the subject. What kind of doctor acts like that? Is that normal? since then I've only gotten worse and I'm in more pain, but I don't want to call him up because he's an asshat, and I dislike him immensely. I guess I'll just tough it out like I do with every other single thing in my life.

Being pregnant has made me stronger. I've experienced more pain in the last 7 months, consistently, than I have  (on a daily basis, anyway) ever before, and only been able to take Tylenol to help.
Well, taking Tylenol every day kind of stops helping after the first few weeks.

And still I chug along.

I am 29.8 weeks pregnant today. Wednesday I will be 30 weeks. 10 more to go. well, 9 really, as of now. Because of my illnesses my doctors are scheduling me to go at 39 weeks. Either I'll be induced, or I will need a cesarean. My doctors think I'll need to go sooner than that, but it depends on whether or not Maggie's organs get too big near the end of the pregnancy. Tomorrow I have an echo-cardiogram to find out if her heart lining is getting too thick.

This kiddo must be strong as nails, to endure all of her mommy's stresses that comes from all these tests I have to have done. I can't wait to be through, and hold her finally.

I'm watching Doctor Who. The episode with Rose and Eccleston and the mannequins. Freaky, yo.

My Easter was pretty good. Despite feeling ill, I enjoyed The company I was with. My grandmother's house had 2 of my aunts and uncles, and their families. Cousins too, obviously. They all tried their best to make sure I was comfortable. Which I was not, but not because of their lack of trying! Because I am simply 30 weeks pregnant and I've decided that it is impossible to be comfortable long, if ever.

I missed my other aunts and cousins, but I hope they enjoyed their Easters. I'll see them soon enough I guess.

Maybe I'll go to bed after I post this. I'm just ready for the day to be over. I'll set up in bed with some snackage and some Monk on my laptop, and chill. Or sleep. Probably sleep.

This post probably sucks a little bit of ass, but I just feel extremely unmotivated, and my life is just not that interesting. I get all my thrills from hubsand and his crazy stories from work. He's an electrician and works in the shittiest places. Some nicer areas, but mostly shit-villes. He's in Newark a lot. Comes home with stories about thugs beating his truck windows at stoplights trying to get him to buy their grape fruitsnacks... I don't know. He entertains me. I love him.

Peace, Mego out.